Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Short Story Draft 2

Identity of a Scientist (Draft 2)
        The year is now 2366, January 18. Singapore had become a “water city”. About 50 years before, before I was even born, the seawater had risen unexpectedly high. Thanks to the Scientists of that time, everyone in Singapore received a special suit that allows one to breathe in the water. The incident, told to me by my father, inspired me to become a Scientist. Finally, after years and years of hard work, I got a job as a Scientist! Now, I would like to share my experience as a Scientist to everyone.  As a 39-year-old, I find it my honor to invent the flying trains a few years back.
          What is this flying train? I had always been interested in flying objects. Birds, planes, UFOs, whatever’s that flying, I had always admired them. Therefore, after 7 years of research birds and planes, I had finally come up with a theory.  The Weihan Theory of Flying, named after me. With this theory, I was finally able to complete my prototype flying train, D89-Jk2. Light but steady, small but strong. This model could carry up to only 20 passengers at a time, excluding the driver. This train could fly, and I had programmed it to travel up to 8km per minute.
          However, will something so fast be useful in a small island like Singapore? Of course. This train can also travel at 300m per minute. Almost after inventing this flying train, the government had decided to buy the model from me! The Government had said that the system will be ready to use in about year 2364, after floating train stops and a large amount of overhead bridges to hold the stops are installed. I am so glad that it can be used in Singapore! Now, I believe that it is my job to create a better train, since D89-Jk2 was not able to carry much passengers and it could not be mass produced due to the shortage of resources. I had an idea yesterday. Why not make one that has wings? I had studied the wings of birds, but my prototype had none due to the fact that I was afraid that the engine might not be able to work with the wings. However, I had decided to take the risk, and try the idea out.
           JK42-K will be this prototype’s name. I aim for lightweight, ability of flight, strong and more capacity in JK42-K. My fellow scientists had said that it would never be easy, but having gone so far, there’s no more turning back.
           I had to try.
           However, having said that, I had no idea how to start on it. I could try using my D89-Jk2 as the base, but the wings would not be able to be inserted.
           Half a year later, and I am still trying. Time and hope was running out. I was almost out of funding, and I had failed 17 times already. It was so hard to produce a quality work. The thought of giving up crept up my mind for a few number of time, but determination to serve the nation served me well. Sigh. Just then, as I walked to the park to the park for some fresh air, I saw a boy flying a kite, using a plane as the image. That was when my grand idea came in. Why not connect the engine with the wings? I rushed back to my research lab and started on it.
           8 month later, my hard work paid off. My grand idea worked! It was definitely a great success! Now, about eighty JK42-Ks are serving Singapore, and being the faster, stronger and lighter then my D89-Jk2. Also, it can hold 80 people, four times the capacity of D89-Jk2! Winning the Singapore Inventor’s award of $50,000, I decided to create a even better one, LP-72G, and this time I am going to make it have the ability to teleport! I hope that it would be able to work! After that, maybe I will start studying houses and create a floating house!


4 comments:

  1. I like you idea about a futuristic Singapore. However, i Hoped that the story could be more about what happened to Singapore rather than you inventing a flying train. In this way, it will be more of a Singapore Story :D

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  2. Your idea is indeed good and fascinating, but where is your theme? I could not really find your theme in the story, all it talk about is really about inventing the flying prototypes. Try to make a more themed story, saying that being in Singapore has made me wonder a lot about something and something. You also made a logic about the rising sea levels. LOL xD

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  3. Wei Han, I commend you for trying to write a science fiction story, and for taking a current issue such as climate change and extrapolating that it would lead to rising sea levels in the future, which would mean an adaptation in the way people live.

    However, this reads more like a diary entry than a narrative. It's all told in summary, and though you spend a great deal of time discussing technology, I really can't see any of it, nor the world you've created here. I know nothing about your narrator other than the fact that he's a scientist.

    You have your setting, and your conflict (the design of a new transport system); now you need to rewrite this as a narrative short story. Bring your reader along with your character, and show us things that are happening as they happen. Craft a plot that explores this.

    And I have to agree with Tianle and Shuming: you state that this takes place in a future Singapore, but nothing about your setting or main character makes me feel that this is true. It could be anywhere on the planet. There are many other cities in the world that also have public transport. So you need to give specific details that bring out the Singaporeanness of your setting, and of the way that the government deals with your protagonist.

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  4. How do you even fly kites under the water

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